September 21, 2004
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I’m a nice guy, right? I’m not mad, psychotic or neurotic. Right?
There’s this dog in our neighborhood. In fact, it lives right next to my building. And for LITERALLY the entire day (I’m using the world literally here, because noone will otherwise believe me), this dog barks. This is not even the manly, yoppish bark of a great and majestic animal. No. The is the scratchy, mosquito-esque bark of a SHITSU or some other degenerate breed, only designed to plague reasonable people throughout space and time.
So, I think we’ve agreed that I’m not psychotic. But I am here to admit right here and now, that now I am feeling extremely murderous. I want to kill this dog. Not in the, “Oh man! I want to kill that dog!” fashion. No. I have actually contemplated–and not just once..nay, not even twice or thrice–various methods in slaying this little shit…su. I can honestly say that if I knew I would get away with it, this dog would already be decomposing somewhere, food for tomorrow’s kimchi cabbage. I’m serious. I think I really might kill this dog.
Picture this: my day off…or my time off during the day. I lay down to read or listen to some music. Perhaps some incense is burning. And then…from some nearby place comes the “Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap!” of said dog. And that for literally hours. I believe the only reason this dog stops barking is because he’s stuffing his greedy maw with food and sustenance, that he might have the strength to further torture my wearying soul.
Who thinks I should kill this dog? I want suggestions.
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Addendum: And while some of my friends are vacationing in China next week, I must abide this maleficent mutt melody.
Comments (18)
is bastard dog locked up somehow? if so, i would try and release it to run far, far away before i attempted murdering it. i don’t know… too bad it isn’t a little bigger, could be some good eats! hehe!
i meant to say before, thanks for the props on my tarts. that does sound kind of funny..hehe…
hmmm in that region of the world they eat dog right? you could probably like get money from killing this dog to by selling it to some shady street seller… i know a way to get rid of it, feed it a whole chicken, that way it looks like your just trying to give it a treat…
if you have access to a bb gun, try shooting it in the arse with a bb gun. It won’t kill the dog, but it will definately get his attention. After a few copper balls to the hind end, the varmint should run and hide at the sound of you opening the window or door. It is also kind of fun. If that dosen’t work, Im guessing that you could always ask the neighbors to do something with the dog, even if that means getting a translator. And then there is always the option of having a hit done on the dog which would keep the blood off of your hands, while still acheiving the goal of having a quiet, dead pooch.
psychotic is as psychotic does.
Just kill it, No regrets, no remorse. If it is infringing on your life, get rid of it. That’s what I did with Emily. KIDDING.
kill the bloody bastard, thats what i want to do to a few people at my apartment, but i think that its not worth the trouble….for me atleast..
poison.
?/P>
Try any of these foods and if you get any of these results the hit is succesful good luck
adamd.
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<TD>Chocolate
<TD>staggering, laboured breathing, vomiting, diarhea, abdominal pain, tremours, fever, heart rate increase, arrythmia, seizures, coma, death
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<TD>Coffee / Cocoa
<TD>staggering, laboured breathing, vomiting, diarhea, abdominal pain, tremours, fever, heart rate increase, arrythmia, seizures, coma, death
<TR>
<TD>Onions
<TD>Hemolytic Anemia, laboured breathing, liver damage, vomiting, diarhea, discoloured urine
<TR>
<TD>Mushrooms
<TD>abdominal pain, drooling, liver damage, kidney damage, vomiting diarhea, convulsions, coma, death
<TR>
<TD>Grapes / Raisins
<TD>vomiting, diarhea, abdominal pain, lethargy
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one more time,hey remember if i does get out of hand call the animal safety hot-line:1-900-680-0000 – fee may be applied to your phone bill.
Chocolate?staggering, laboured breathing, vomiting, diarhea, abdominal pain, tremours, fever, heart rate increase, arrythmia, seizures, coma, death
Coffee / Cocoa-staggering, laboured breathing, vomiting, diarhea, abdominal pain, tremours, fever, heart rate increase, arrythmia, seizures, coma, death
Onions-Hemolytic Anemia, laboured breathing, liver damage, vomiting, diarhea, discoloured urine
Mushrooms-abdominal pain, drooling, liver damage, kidney damage, vomiting diarhea, convulsions, coma, death
Grapes / Raisins-vomiting, diarhea, abdominal pain, lethargy
sportophelia beat me to it. hey~ MAYBE…maybe some get together time friday night?~ i got dinner with the thompsons first~~ but hey~~ c u later man~~ rock on nice guy~~
make it shit…su its intestines out by feeding it bottles of laxative.
i just died laughing when i read this b/c when i was in ecuador, my very initial experience was dealing with a little yappy dog that had us up at 5 am. what is it with little yappy dogs who think they are huge german shepherds? we didn’t realize that it belonged to the person who was a tenant of the people we were staying with. from the 3rd story of the house, my sister and i were yelling at it and cursing it and throwing tootsie rolls at it to make it shut up. we also felt very murderous, but we never had opportunity to fulfill our schemes b/c it was guarded by its beady-eyed ecuadorian owner. i think the little lady knew we were after her little mutt.
“The blue flashing light” is Korean cops coming for your murderous heart. Just be careful to deflect any evidence of foul play onto one of your kids or something like that.
Hi Mr. Drew~ I found your xanga.. muhahaha, I’m in Miss Sally’s orm.. See ya around!
While someone suggested a BB gun…here in India the dogs are quite ridiculous…my friend Ben bought a sling shot and takes aim at the suckers every time they bark…his shot has not only improved dramatically…the dogs have shut up too…and well, he has confided that some cows have been victim too…which will probably make him a mosquito in his next life…My theory is you might as well improve some sort of skill while taking care of little pests…
If you can manage to get to the dog…and if you can get to the dog and manage to keep yourself from killing it…try pouring real lemon juice down it’s throat. It makes their vocal cords really sore….so they it hurts when they yip. It might give you some temporary silence…and help restore a bit of sanity…
Good luck!
kill it with style.
platform shoes… and aim for the head. like a roach.
*i don’t know you but i know your little brother…
(ew! did i just say “like a roach”? that’s disGUSTING!)
That cd is super i have to say.
tat