I not sure what it is, but something is different. As a kid, I often heard that sin was subtle and sneaky. Super Mario could lead to school shootings and dancing to premarital sex. In the same way, Ie come to believe that my current state of mind was a subtle and sneaky conversion. It seems like just yesterday, I was happily trilling along as a world citizen, ignorantly blissful of my own nature. But I sit here now, unsure of the individual steps that led me here, but aware of the overall, general process. What was that initial catalyst that made me question the status quo? I don know; I just know that I did. Am I happier now than I was then? No. Undoubtedly, no. I think it possible, but I just not there yet.

I listened to a podcast sermon today. The pastor talked about Truth. How can we undoubtedly prove that Christianity is true? His conclusion: we can. But a-ha! There no way he was going to leave it at that. His solution? Trust. Believe. He can now confidently say,  believe that my faith is true, but I cannot prove that it is. I must have faith.?/P>

So now we come to the crux of the issue. And that is, that I think his conclusion is a load of bollocks. I have a limited knowledge of church history, but I know enough to realize that aith?is the cornerstone of abuse, the trump card that lined the coffers of rich and cruel church leaders, and the cool, pseudo-powerful catch phrase that people use when they don have a @%$&# clue.

It crazy to me that people risk their eternity on someone else word. I wonder if I asked the bank to borrow five hundred thousand dollars, and when they asked how I planned on paying it back, I suggested that they simply have faith. Believe me, I will!

Is it too much to want proof? Is the Bible's doubting Thomas a coincidence?  So that I should now, two thousand years later, feel bad about being a skeptic? Is it too much for God to provide faith in his existence? Ok ok, nevermind that, because I do believe in a God. But perhaps I just like a little help with the details.

Ghandi said:  like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.?So, if God commanded Christians to be his ight?in the world, and that is to be our roof?upon which faith in eternity is based?what going wrong? And who, really, is going to be in the hot seat when God decides to call this gig quits?