September 3, 2006
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Trust is a precious thing. Confidence is not given lightly. The walls around me are tightly sealed against any half-hearted intruder. You must win me slowly, patiently and eventually. I am wary and I am confident. I am self-sufficient and complete.
And nothing hurts more than broken trust and a shattered confidence; when the walls around you crumble, because you realize that someone has slowly, patienty and eventually worked to get inside, and has pulled them down.
I don't feel wary. I don't feel confident. I don't feel self-sufficient or complete. I feel emotionally vacant and laid bare. In an hour from now, I will probably be angry, and an hour after that, very sad. And then let it all complete its vicious cycle over and over again.
I appreciate those of you who've prayed.
Does anyone else long for those days when things were simple? I sure do.
Comments (11)
this makes me sad and angry, too. i am still praying for you.
your wry and witty comments always make ME smile.
and i am glad that my people watching post made you smile. there are few people i like to people watch with more than you.
yes, but when were those days? did anything ever really seem simple? looking back on my life, even at five, my issues with reaching the cookies on the top shelf seemed insurmountable and like the end of the world. don't wish for the past. just struggle through the present and hope for the future. i'm praying for you.
Count me in, Drew.
I long for those days. Although, PotatoeChild makes a good point.
I know what you're going through and I hope everything works out quickly. I've never really prayed, but I believe in the power of thought, and my thoughts are with you.
Another appropriate clich? you need the bad to appreciate the good. Right? Hang in there, buddy.
Andrew. It's me, B.
hey man. i'm praying for you too.
hey dude we're all thinking of you down here in sunny South Africa. We all know a lot about walls down here but you have to ask yourself do they keep the bad out or the good in ?? or was that the bad in and the good out ?? i don't know man but i hope you feel better soon.
Also, that picture of you is very handsome. Much better than Der Iron Hippie, or whoever's ass that was.
anger and sadness. two feelings that i am feeling today. i know that doesn't help you, but at least you know that you're not the only one. sending love your way.
hi there ... thank you for subscribing!
this entry is so powerful. my heart is with you.